13 Relationship Lessons I Have Learnt The Hard Way

A Write-Up From The Long Past For All The Ghosted Souls

People need to understand this, “We don’t get into relationships knowing they will fail in future!”

Photo by A. L. on Unsplash

We don’t love a person thinking they would just walk away one day, leaving you alone to fight with this cruel world who will question every ounce of what makes you who you are today. Post a failed relationship, you are seen as someone who often casually makes wrong choices.

I’m learning exponentially about people and life situations in general. Some of the bitter truths that I never knew I had to face are:

Once you lose a relationship, you don’t just lose one person, you lose everyone including your own family, folks who believed in you ever. You lose their trust, your esteem is questioned and you are reduced to a person with dumb wits who have called upon their own suffering.

Even after everything went south, hold on to love, for love is, was and will always be pure, let go of the person, because their understanding is bound to be impure. But love is all you have now and in the past, even when the person went away!

People are too quick to jump to conclusions and pass judgements and expect answers to their big life-altering questions, “ What are you going to do next?” This makes you impregnable at the moment because that’s the only choice you have.

1. People start questioning your judgement from the scratch. They dig everything your past mistakes, your present habits and your future visions everything is looked down upon.
2. Even if you love someone with utmost purity, and even if you are misled or not, to believe that they did the same, a person’s personality and fear will overpower the love in the end. They will let go of the love and give up because of their own cowardice and personal understanding.
3. You are termed as a vulnerable and naive person because of one relationship that has failed for no fault of yours.
4. Your whole behaviour and your life are scrutinised and folks are often heard saying, you should think twice before trusting anyone. My failed relationship is my situation, it’s a neutral one, don’t question my existence from the scratch because of one fuck up or two or three.
5. Can’t a relationship end and be looked upon as just a difficult life situation meant to teach you something?
6. I am questioned each time I make a decision in my life post a failed relationship. Well, I know some people, in general, are shallow, but a limited understanding to this extent, it suffocates the normal functioning of people who are at the receiving end of a failed relationship.
7. Please understand, life is meant to go wrong even though we do everything in our power to pattern our life to avoid suffering and pain. This is a fact. Life is just meant to go wrong and teach you.
8. Forgiveness will benefit you, not this accumulated anger or guilt. Forgive the person who broke you completely. Until you forgive them, you won’t be able to truly move on.
9. You need TIME to think clearly, to process and to understand why the eff has this happened to you.
10. You need to understand that even with the person you’ve lost, the love will always remain. The person you loved was impure but the love is pure. Hold on to this love and don’t turn bitter.
11. Do not regret falling in love. Do not! It’s really hard, but it was a hell of an experience with all its twists and turns and the ultimate end with this unbearable suffering. Learn something, do not avoid it. Face it head-on!
12. Love is liberating, attachment is suffering. Dig deeper to find out what you have for this person.
13. The worse the fall, the deeper you loved. And this love is a reflection of you. So be proud of yourself if you loved someone immensely. Avoid being critical.

So if you are suffering, and crying from all the pain of this failed relationship, or feeling for him or her to make you complete one last time, or are unable to process that all this overwhelming investment was for nothing, take a pause, for it was meant to happen from the day you chose this relationship. It’s not your fault or his/her.

It’s a situation to be dealt with, it’s a thing, a stepping stone to change you as a person, it’s a lesson to wither your old personality, it’s an answer to all your attachments you thought never existed in the first place.

Let go of this thing, because it wasn’t meant to be. Its life and life’s understanding is much more vast than yours. Let it be dusted but mind you, it’s not to be forgotten for better.

Love yourself, find your truth and be joyful even in the midst of this suffering.

And not because this too shall pass, but because this has to be learnt and understood and watched in its deepest depths.

Enlighten_me_up

Love is to be accepted not just for its good but for its bad too, for true love is loving someone or something in its entirety!

I am thankful for all my past relationships and the people for they have brought me closer to myself after distancing me from themselves.

Only amid the mess, you will get to know what to keep and what to lose!